Musings [Closed to Jax: NSFW]

[nomoreinnocence]

After her early dinner with Michael, Lana had said goodbye to him in the lobby, thinking they'd better not tempt fate and not sure if Jax might be waiting for her upstairs.

He wasn't and she wasn't quite brave enough to go over and knock on his door.

So, she made herself a cup of tea and settled down on the couch with a book, trying to read, but mostly just thinking about everything that had happened over the past twenty-four hours.

Comments

[son-ofanarchy.livejournal.com]

He'd gone to work this morning. Jax wasn't one to blow off his responsibilities, no matter what someone might say, so that's what he done, and about noon, he'd stopped feeling like warmed over shit.

So by the time he got done working and took a shower, he was feeling pretty good. Well, as good as he could considering, anyway. He was wearing a t-shirt, jeans and a small smile as he knocked on Lana's door.

[nomoreinnocence.livejournal.com]

Lana took a deep breath before she opened the door, not sure what would happen tonight. "Jax, hey," she said softly, searching his face to see what she could find there.

[son-ofanarchy.livejournal.com]

What she got was a slightly bashful look through his lashes at her, with that same smile. "Hey. Do you mind if I come in?"

[nomoreinnocence.livejournal.com]

Lana shook her head. "Not at all," she said stepping back to let him in.

Wary, but hopeful.

[son-ofanarchy.livejournal.com]

Jax looked around again, hands in his pockets, before he turned to face her. "I'm sorry. About last night. That wasn't right, what I did. I'm sorry."

[nomoreinnocence.livejournal.com]

"What part?" she asked quietly, arms wrapped protectively around herself.

[son-ofanarchy.livejournal.com]

Heh. Good question. Jax looked at his feet. "All of it. Well, most of it." Taking a careful step forward, he cocked his head at her. "Did I hurt you?"

[nomoreinnocence.livejournal.com]

Lana shrugged. "I'm okay. Some bruises, I guess."

She was surprised at how nervous she was - not that he'd hurt her, he hadn't forced her or deliberately hurt her, but just that not knowing, not understanding what had happened or why or if it changed anything.

[son-ofanarchy.livejournal.com]

Shit. Jax sighed out, hand through his hair. "Lana, I'm sorry." And he thumbed toward the door. "Do you want me to go?"

Kinda figured didn't it-- all he gave up, to fuck this up. Yeah. It kind of figured.

[nomoreinnocence.livejournal.com]

She shook her head. "No, I'm fine. Really. You didn't hurt me, god, you know how turned on I was. I'm just... confused."

"But I don't want you to go."

[son-ofanarchy.livejournal.com]

"You were turned on," he had to admit, tilting his chin down to catch her eye. "Do you like it like that? A little rough?"

The confused stuff could wait.

[nomoreinnocence.livejournal.com]

"I don't know," Lana admitted. "I never thought I did, would. But last night..."

She shook her head. "I'm so far outside my element with you."

[son-ofanarchy.livejournal.com]

"Is that a bad thing?" Another step closer, Jax's hand coming to rest on her hip.

[nomoreinnocence.livejournal.com]

She swallowed hard, then shook her head. "No. I don't think it is."

[son-ofanarchy.livejournal.com]

"Come on." He took her hand, pulling her toward the sofa, so he could sit, tucking her close, his forehead against her temple. "You're not like anybody I've ever met either, you know."

[nomoreinnocence.livejournal.com]

She curled into him, wanting his warmth and comfort. "I'm not?" she whispered.

[son-ofanarchy.livejournal.com]

Jax shook his head. "Nobody back in Charming would've gotten me to make a pot and plant flowers. That's for sure." Smile, Lana.

[nomoreinnocence.livejournal.com]

Lana laughed. "Well, I didn't exactly plan that for you," she said with a smile.

[son-ofanarchy.livejournal.com]

"You didn't? Well, shit," he teased, nuzzling a little closer. "Guess you don't want to know my snapdragons are growing, then?"

[nomoreinnocence.livejournal.com]

"Are they?" Lana said, brightening up. "Mine have just started popping up too."

She still stayed snuggled in tightly to him.

[son-ofanarchy.livejournal.com]

"Yeah?" She smelled sweet and clean and he pressed kisses to her neck. "Is that what you did today? Take care of your snapdragons?"

[nomoreinnocence.livejournal.com]

She shook her head. "No, I worked part of the day and... and then had an early dinner with a friend."

Oh god.

[son-ofanarchy.livejournal.com]

"Yeah?"

There was that sensitive little patch of skin behind her ear. He really liked that part.

[nomoreinnocence.livejournal.com]

She whimpered, shivering delightedly. "Jax? ... Why did you choose me?"

[son-ofanarchy.livejournal.com]

Fuck. She wanted to talk? Biting back his sigh, Jax leaned back. She did deserve that, even if talking is what got Jax into trouble. "I'm not really sure," he told her. "I just..." A lock of her hair was curled behind her ear. "I couldn't give you up, Lana."